5 Lessons Learned About Choosing to Elope (And One on Choosing Not to) | Adventure Elopement Photographer & Planner
5 Lessons Learned About Choosing to Elope (And One on Choosing Not to) | Adventure Elopement Photographer & Planner
My background within this industry is a long and winding one, which thankfully I made my way into my true passion- helping couples elope & documenting them being badasses in nature. But, because of my long history in the wedding industry, I have been a part of every type of wedding imaginable. I’ve documented weddings with 650 guests (yes, you read that right) to now these intimate & highly intentional weddings. I can tell you from being on both sides, that the couples who choose to elope enjoy their day / wedding vacation / being together much more than couples who have decided to have a big wedding (that maybe in their hearts really didn’t want that big wedding). Here are 5 things I have learned about choosing to elope.
5 lessons I’ve learned by couples choosing to elope and adventure for their wedding.
Lesson 1 on Choosing to Elope:
You are possibly going to piss someone off by eloping- AND THAT IS OK.
Here is the thing- your wedding is not for anyone else. Your wedding is something that can be life changing and is something that has the potential to create an even stronger bond with you and your partner during & after. You deserve the opportunity and story you will create, together. This experience of intentionally being with your partner has nothing to do with anyone else, but others tend to want to put themselves right in the middle of your relationship. Choosing to elope will more than likely piss someone off- your parents, your best friend, the distant relative you haven’t met since you were 5yrs old that feels entitled to your wedding.
You’re going to make some people who feel entitled to being at your wedding feel some kind of way. And that is OK. Let them. You don’t owe them an invite, but you DO owe you and your partner the experience of eloping so you can say your vows privately and in a place in the world that will make you feel alive.
Lesson 2 on Choosing to Elope:
You, also, don’t have to tell a single soul you are eloping if you don’t want to.
This ties into Lesson 1 above, but, you also don’t have to tell anyone. If you are not having anyone joining you, and you know telling certain people in your life will change the vibe of your trip or even make you second guess things because you are prone to people pleasing- then don’t tell anyone! You absolutely do not have to, because again, no one is entitled to your life and your relationship.
Many couples who’s elopements I help plan & photograph decide on not telling ANYONE that they are secretly eloping on their vacation. Doing this gives them the opportunity to just concern themselves with each other, plan this EPIC experience JUST for themselves, and give each other the space to just be insanely in love & celebrate each other without anyone having an opinion about it. Some of my couples don’t even spill the beans until they are back home so they can just ENJOY the post-wedding bliss. I AM HERE FOR IT.
Lesson 3 on Choosing to Elope:
Staying authentic to yourselves will strengthen your lives afterwards.
Ok, this one seems like it is kind of a HUGE statement to make, but, it is actually true. Think about it- when couples have a wedding that doesn’t make them feel 100% real and good inside, they will come out of it still not feeling 100% good about it. Their experience for their wedding will lack the special sauce it COULD have, and then regret starts forming.
Regret about spending $13k+ on a wedding venue they don’t actually want to get married in, being uncomfortable being the center of attention of 200+ people and paying about $8,000 on food for them, regretting that they barely saw their partner the entire day except for dinner and this list of big wedding regrets that would never happen on elopements, and according to a survey done by The Knot, “Most people wish they had spent more money on their honeymoon, rings, and photographer — and less money on the dress and invitations, the report found. The average American wedding in 2016 hosted about 140 people and cost $35,329 (not including the honeymoon).” Weddings also produce about 400-600lbs of waste PER CONVENTIONAL WEDDING.
Then of course, couples regret skimping out on good photography because they spent an extra few thousand dollars on decorations, DJ, etc etc.
Regret is a nasty cologne and no one wants to wear it for the rest of their lives.
So, when couples decide to be AUTHENTIC to themselves for a huge milestone in their lives, they will feel amazing about their decisions afterwards. They feel SO GOOD that they had the opportunity to be with their love for their ENTIRE wedding day and honeymoon after. They will feel good about being able to spill their guts out to their partner in their vows without feeling like they need to stay closed up a bit. They feel OVER THE FRICKEN MOON when their elopement is over, and that’s how you should feel about our wedding by being authentic to your true interests of loving your partner & having a rad adventure.
Lesson 4 on Choosing to Elope:
You don’t have to get caught up in the minor details
There are soooooo many parts to a conventional wedding that frankly if you don’t care about them, get anxious about picking out all of the things you need to run an event, if you don’t want to hire a surplus of vendors & decorations- you don’t have to!
The details of an elopement can be counted on one hand. They are the boiled-down-to-what’s-important-to-you kind of details. You can focus on what really makes you both happy and nothing else.
Lesson 5 on Choosing to Elope:
It’s SO MUCH easier to plan a Destination Elopement than a conventional wedding.
Being able to plan your wedding on a FRACTION of the time spent by only having to plan a few details instead of a huge event focused on making hundreds of other people happy is a huge lesson learned. Time is precious and spending it trying to figure out who to invite, where to have the ceremony then reception, and all other tiny decisions that need to be made. Instead, you get to focus on yourselves and your relationship and what really makes YOU happy.
Planning to elope is mostly just picking your experienced elopement photographer (& planner, like me!) who already has ALL those tiny details ready for you (plus I organize your timeline & location itineraries). Then you need to commit to the place in the World you want to elope. Then- book the tickets and accommodation. You don’t get lost in the planning details and derail your relationship in the process.
Lesson on Choosing NOT to Elope:
This is important and something I feel like I could not write the article without- you do not have to have a traditional elopement if you don’t want to. If you have always wanted your parents & siblings by your side, or you always envisioned some very important people with you- that is completely ok. The point to this article is that there are lessons I have learned by documenting weddings from every shape & size & location. The point of this is that the lesson to take away is that your wedding is for YOU and you should do whatever makes YOU happy. If that is the big ole’ wedding with all of the people you know in one room- DO IT. Don’t elope just because the photos will be insanely epic, elope because in your heart you know you won’t be happy otherwise.
However, a happy medium for this, if you don’t want that big giant wedding, but you also don’t want to elope, is you can have a Destination Micro Wedding. These are where you can bring a handful of your favorite people with you and you all can have an amazing experience together.
Whichever way you toss the coin, just take sure it is the way you want it to land.
